Thorpe Park

I like to travel and occasionally I'll travel somewhere I have no interest in visiting for reasons of curiosity or voyeurism - I'm not really sure. Anyway, yesterday M, O, A and myself went to Thorpe park - with the highest, longest, fastest, loopiest or whatever rides in Europe; at the age of 35 I've attended my first theme park.


I now know where all the chubby, loud and unintelligent people of London hang out (I should know, I was there). Actually, that's unfair; I don't know they're unintelligent, however I do know, from objective observation, that they are fat and loud. (But really, they're dumb).

For the same reason that I can't watch horror films I also can't really see the point of scaring myself shitless with my stomach somewhere up in my oesophagus as the "Detonator" drops me 100m or whatever, or the whatever-it's-called rockets me to 80mph and then twists me into the sky upside-down (etc etc), although I did give it a good try, getting on most of the rides. It seems to me they're trying to recreate a near-death experience with every ride and, quite frankly, I'd be just as happy not getting so intimate with death.


You pay through the nose for everything - to get in, then to fast track the two hour queue (where all the plebs are), then you pay over the odds for rubbish food, then you pay for the privilege of drying yourself after they've drenched you in the water-based rides.

I suppose that judging by all the teenagers getting off the rides screaming (literally!) in my face that the rides give (an unnatural) "natural" high. It gave me a high too, along with a headache, but let's face it, drugs are a lot cheaper, and don't involve so many queues.